I like mrsexmith’s discussion of multiple meanings of trans… transitioning, transcending the gender binary, etc. I started this blog as an aid and as a documentation of my current coming out process. More than 10 years ago, when I was first coming out, I told a lesbian friend that I was bisexual. At the moment, I was feeling pretty proud of myself enough to be able to slap on a label. She promptly responded, “Labels are for other people, but not for you.” While her statement was so profound I am blogging it over a decade later, at the time I was disappointed. I think I wanted to just settle on a label & move on; stop trying to “figure things out.” Right now, I am noticing that the figuring out of things can be so wonderful & freeing and beautiful in and of itself. I am so shy and self conscious lately. And at the same time I feel bold & sexy. It’s true that I get used to the way the world outside me reacts to the me I present. I recently cut my hair short, in my first “butchy?” haircut I have had in 10 years. Only a few months ago I had long flowing red wavy locks just about nipple length which attracted lots of attention and compliments. Sometimes I forget why the world outside reacts differently and then I remember that I look different. I was walking out of my office building by some male construction workers the other day & I noticed something strange. They didn’t notice me at all. For quite some time I had kept my hair long because I was comfortable fitting into what I think an American standard of beauty for an office woman might be. It was just easier. I felt like a little girl playing dressup. If I dressed the part, I felt like people would take me more seriously. I didn’t want it to be like that necessarily, but it seemed to be working at the time. It’s a bold move to step out in a new way, whatever may be new, a haircut, a new style, bolder makeup, etc. What makes me so extra self conscious is the conscious reflection and reaction from people outside of myself. The bolder the change, the more the reaction (or lack thereof). I’ve been wearing butcher pants lately. Somedays butcher shirts, but not everyday. The other day I showed up to work in more feminine slacks & a top (something I’ve been doing a little more lately in conjunction with my shorter hair). A coworker (a sweet, flirty, supportive perhaps-gay one that has encouraged me to “let my butch flag fly”) noticed and said “those aren’t very butch pants:)” to which I replied, “I’m just me. Did you think I fit into boxes?” of course not. Tomorrow we will go out to lunch. I bet we’ll chat about sexuality & gender…maybe a little gossip… Maybe I’ll try and make out with her while we’re away from the office ;)