(from a state that just voted against Marriage Equality)

I am extremely dissatisfied with the nature of the political landscape in my state.  I am afraid - of people.  I live in a state (and pretty much a country too) where it appears that more than half the people do not see me as equal, simply because of who I love.  I am near tears quite often.  I was near tears before election day was over, just thinking about the fact that the majority was voting on the civil rights of a minority.

I know that civil rights have come a long way since my parents were children, when racial discrimination was still legal.  Thinking of that both extremely disturbs me as well as gives me hope.

To think that slavery existed in my county is appalling.  To see how much has changed since then gives me hope, hope that the gross discrimination and inequalities of today might someday be changed.

There are moments when I try to fathom the thoughts of someone who stands smiling into traffic encouraging discrimination.  Those smiles, those freakish smiles make me so afraid of humans, and the power they have to control each other and cause each other pain.

One of the most disturbing things that came to light in the last few days was to find traces of that discrimination sitting right next to me…the guy in the next cube.

We’ve sat next to each other for the better half of 2 years, collaborating on work assignments, and sharing disgruntled thoughts about company imperfections and inconsistencies.  We talk about our weekend plans and the women we date.  We even go so far as to ask each other for advice once in awhile on how to appropriately responds to text messages from these women.  I thought we were buddies.  I bet he still thinks we are.

On election day, he was saying that he wasn’t going to vote because he didn’t feel strongly one way or the other about any of the issues.  I questioned him about the marriage equality vote, to which he ended up saying he was mixed, as he didn’t think “they” should call it marriage.  He says this to his buddy the queer in the next cube.  His buddy who suffers heartbreak just like him, timidly asks women out just like him, worries about relationship issues, just like him.

I was appalled.  I felt so disrespected, like he felt I was a lesser, less deserving, less holy being.  I think this felt weirder and more hurtful that the words of people I don’t know staunchly fighting against Marriage Equality.  Somehow the ambivalence he expressed was worse, especially because he somehow couldn’t see how hurtful that was to me.

In the past few days he has wanted to shoot the shit per usual, nervous about some wedding he is going to with his girlfriend.  I replied, “You should probably talk to someone else about that.  I don’t have the same rights as you.”